Every industry has its code words. In real estate, if a listing is a “handyman special,” be prepared to pry the boards off the windows while simultaneously kicking out the former hairy and/or crawly residents. The same is true with freelance writing. Advertisers, especially on the fun sites like Craigslist, have their own special phraseology that, whether they know it or not, tip us off to a gig that’s bound to be more frustration than fulfillment.

The below is the result of me failing to go through my RSS feed reader for jobs for a few days and then deciding to have fun with the messy aftermath. These are actual phrases from Craigslist ads should tip you off that a freelance writing gig isn’t going to finance that Tahitian “writer’s retreat” you’ve been fantasizing about:

(Sadly, any funky spelling or grammar is original.)

• Perfect job for a college student looking for that big break to get some experience
• Labor of love
• You’ll get a byline
• Will write for credit
• Your name will appear on every post you complete.
• This is an independent project. There is pay, which is Deferred. (What? Like student loans?)
• Perfect for someone who is passionate about this subject matter
• Great for somebody who wants to get their foot in the door
• Ideal for someone wanting to break into the business
• Work from your pajamas
• We are looking for writers willing to donate pieces
• Internship (Some are true internships, of course, but they should be expressly for college credit and to teach someone the industry, not just to recruit free labor. Edit: The day after I posted this, Deb Ng over at Freelance Writing Jobs wrote a great post about internships vs. unpaid labor.)
• This is for a little extra money. I cannot be responsible for paying your grocery bills or your rent. (At least he’s honest.)
• There is no compensation – this to help writeres who need published work for their portfolio.
• Compensation is the chance to have your expert opinion heard by millions

A couple of bonuses (because I just can’t make myself stop with the advice):

• Beware of any jobs that say they accept someone working from anywhere but list the location as “Downtown.” These are almost always scammy.
• Beware of grant writing jobs that promise to pay upon funding. Grant writing is hard, tedious and time consuming work, and there’s never any guarantee of funding. The same goes for ghostwriting gigs that claim they will pay upon publication.

Lastly, I did see a couple of cute posts on Craigslist.

From Columbus, Georgia:

Sign Writer (Columbus)

It is what it is.

And someone in Minneapolis/St. Paul posted:

Grant Writer

-Looking for a small business grant writer willing to accept payment when grant comes through.

-Please let me know if this is possible or if I’m completely nuts for asking

You are completely nuts for asking, but I thank you or at least trying to look at it from our point of view and giving us a smile while you’re at it.

How about you guys? Have any completely nutty job ads to share?

Update

Here are some of your code word contributions!

• “This should be easy for a writer who knows what he is doing.” (I find this is often code for: “We know it’s a lot of work, but we don’t want to pay for it.”) – Lana